The One Puff Files

This is my second quit and my LAST quit. My first quit was cold turkey also and lasted for 2 years. I truly thought that I would never smoke again (I could not stand being around cigarette smoke and thought it was nasty by this point) until one day I took ONE DRAG off a friend's cigarette because I was bored and I wanted to remember what was so great about it. I don't know what I was thinking. No, actually I do ... I thought that after 2 years of being nicotine-free I was in control and I could just do it once while everyone else was doing it then go home and forget all about it. I was 100% sure that I could do it just once no problem but now here I am 4 years later. I learned a valuable lesson from that one drag (that led to a LOT more) at a HUGE price.

I have had one quit that lasted almost a year, but failed because I simply didn't realize how strong the addiction was, hopefully, I'm smarter now.

After a year or so I was so confident that the battle was over that I left my support system behind...it was only a matter of months before I figured I could get away with "just one". (What a horrible joke that thought is!) Of course my addiction was renewed at full strength, nearly immediately.

Around April or May of last year, I started bumming smokes from friends. I was going through a stressful divorce and I thought I could just have a quick smoke now and then and be done with it. I thought I could control it. Soon I was up to around two and a half packs a day.

When will I learn that I can't ever EVER have just one again? I am just so tired of beating myself up.

I quit then because I needed the money. I was spending about $100 per month on smokes and I knew I needed that cash for the house. Unfortunately, I started smoking a pipe about six years later. My friends were all smoking cigars and I didn't much like the smell of those, so I thought a pipe would be a good idea. I was wrong - it was a bad idea. It didn't take long before I was hooked again. I smoked the pipe until mid-2000.

Sometime after that, I remember thinking I had overcome my addiction and that I could have ' just a puff' and no harm would come of it. I kept smoking for 7 years after that. I was crushed that I failed but I know now that ' one smoke' is the road to defeat.

I have quit all drugs and alcohol, and I know that one drink will lead me to destruction. But, with smoking, I couldn't see it that way and kept thinking one puff would be ok. Then one day, I could see it so clearly in my mind---smoking was slowly, quietly, taking my life away from me.

I made a big mistake the last time I quit because I told myself it will be all right to start again if I quit for a long period. I know now that this was wrong and that I can never have another puff again.

Five months later... my junky thinking crept back into my head. I didn't recognize it at first, I figured I had beat this thing down... One won't hurt, It'll make the stress go away. Unfortunately, I believed my Junky mind and reached for that first cigarette. (stupid, stupid stupid) I learned 3 things that day: 1) It did not magically make the stress go away as I had believed, 2) it tasted terrible, it was nasty and 3) as Joel and the rest of the Freedom crew stress so often YOU CAN'T HAVE JUST ONE.

I broke the law of addiction. Big mistake. I was trapped again for six more months in a hell of poisoning.

I managed to stop for two months during the start of 2001, and then got complacent and decided to have "just one" with a beer.

I picked up a cigarette for a few moments of short-lived pleasure and certain suicide. Picking up a cigarette is a death wish as far as I am concerned and, honestly, I don't want to go back there. I get very scared for myself... I can assure you I was not thinking logically. But then who is when they pick up a cigarette? After the education we get here?? It's got to be insanity.

So, why did I throw away a 6-month + quit, and with it - my life and all the education and support I was freely given here at Freedom? Well, for the sake of one puff! For the illusion of controlled smoking, for the belief that one won't hurt, for the relief of well I can always try again later.......

Why did I relapse last spring? The "why" isn't really important because there never, ever is a good reason to go back to smoking. Let's just say I'm an idiot ..... and I forgot the Big Rule of Addiction .... Never Take Another Puff! It is soooooo true. And some of us just have to learn the hard way! For some dumb reason I had ONE cigarette, then didn't have any more .... until a month later! Then one 2 weeks later, then one a week later ........ awful! Do you see a pattern here and what was bound to happen? No one is immune, no matter what you think. And no matter how far you are into a quit.

One night,(Sept 14th), I came home from a home Interior party at my sister's house. It was midnight and I was tired. My husband's cigarettes were lying on the table. NO BIG DEAL, I told myself and started to go to bed. Then a thought came into my mind..."Hey, I'm here alone, I'm not addicted anymore, I can have one because it would be nice to have one right now....Not because I need one. I can have one and that will be it, I'm going to bed anyway and no one will ever know....I'll just take a few days off from freedom and post 72 hours later with no nicotine in my blood and be on my way.

Well...obviously it didn't work out that way because here I am, 4 1/2 months later.

In July of this year I turned Gold. 12 months of Freedom. Everything I was told here came true. No longer thinking about smoking, total comfort and vastly improved health. I threw it away and relapsed. One other thing is also true. You're one puff away from 2 packs a day. I very quickly returned to my old nicotine consumption level. Just like that.

I was repulsed by the smell of smoke for years. Then, in Tahoe, at a casino for days on business, I became immune to the repulsion. I was stuck in smokiness for days, and eventually, it didn't bother me.

"Hey, can I get one of those off you?"

"Yeah, sure"

I was back. I hid it from my family for a while, which kept my smoking limited for a while, but how long can that last? I eventually came 'out'. Smoked like a chimney for about two years.

I never took a puff for 13 years.

I remember that day in 1999 like it was yesterday. I was in Toronto on business having a drink with a good friend at a hotel bar. My friend smokes and after a couple of adult beverages, I did something very stupid. I grabbed one of my friend's cigarettes and lit it up. Two days later I was back home in Chicago hooked again after 13 years. Tried twice to quit, made it both times to 2 1/2 months then got the fatal idea that I could smoke just one, well that 1st puff hooked me for the next 10 years.

This is not my first time quitting, but it is definitely my hardest. If there is one thing I NEED TO REMEMBER about my personal experience with relapse it is this: that Nicodemon may let you sneak away the first time BUT, if you take him back, he will sink his claws into you twice as deep as before and hang on for dear life. It is as if that spirit considers you his property because now, you are not a child who was tricked, you are an adult who chose.

I had smoked for about 15 years and then quit for 7. Everyone was so proud of me, it felt great. Well, I was stupid and TOOK ANOTHER PUFF five years ago and began my addiction all over again, only this time I had to be in hiding, how could I tell my family and friends that I had started up again?

I have learned the hard way that the law of addiction applies to me, too. I can not have "just one" because I am a nicotine addict. Just one quickly became a pack a day.

Wow....does this thread ever hit home for me. It was a night back in October of 1997 when I was out drinking after a viewing for a firefighter who died in the line of duty. It was a very emotional evening and I had not ingested any nicotine for 30 months. Even though I debated with myself for over an hour about having a cigarette, I finally bummed one to satisfy my mental urge. The next day I was up to my old habit of 2 packs a day. I wasn't aware of this site back then. I am here now every day. I read the threads and thank God I'm still nicotine-free. I have a new way of looking at my addiction now. I know that relapse is a choice.

Larry

1 Month 3 Weeks 6 Days. Cigarettes not smoked: 2623. Money saved: $489.34.

Thanks Bob, for a wonderful reminder ... in my first post here at Freedom I had to admit that I threw away an 11-month quit by taking a puff off a friend's cigarette "just to see what would happen." Well, if I'd been an educated quitter and a member here at that time, I sure would have known exactly what would happen...and that there is no such thing as just one! I like to remind myself that if I ever let myself be tempted by that one puff, I then picture myself going right out and buying CARTONS, and that really brings me around with a jolt of reality! I feel GREAT today!

~~~Marie
1 month 4 weeks

Ah yes, all those senseless journeys those "just one puff"s have taken me on .... that "one puff" I took off my boyfriend's cig one buzzed-up night in a bar, just to see if it was as bad as I remembered. It was ... I had my own supply again within a few days, after almost 8 years clean.

How I was so disheartened by that relapse that I didn't get up the courage to try again for so long. How I used that relapse as evidence to myself that I couldn't stop using. How I've given away quit after quit since that time to that "just one puff," looking for relief that could never last more than minutes, because I had just reactivated some process SO much bigger than any rational thought process I could throw at it to attempt some kind of "control."

How now I make it through each day with NO NICOTINE TODAY as my mantra, because I know that NICOTINE TODAY for me means NICOTINE TOMORROW, and the next, and the next, and maybe till the day it takes my life, because I'm not sure I could find the heart to take this journey again.

Love and life to all of you ---- this site has given me such fortitude!

Mary
20 days free

I need to hold tight to this quit ~ I know my life depends on it. I can't for the life of me understand why I went back to smoking on more than one occasion. I've been quitting for 25 years! Let go of a 2.5 year quit in '80, an 8 year quit in '92, and another 2 year quit in '99. These were not "slips" ~ they were defiant "I'm going to smoke now" relapses.

Just from hanging around this group for a few weeks, I know that I can Never Take Another Puff and I'm beginning to wonder why I would ever want to. For this junkie, that is great progress!

God Bless,

Candi - Free and Healing for 16 days, 11 hours and 43 minutes

"In July of this year I turned Gold: 12 months of Freedom. Everything I was told here came true. No longer thinking about smoking, total comfort and vastly improved health. I threw it away and relapsed. One other thing is also true. You're one puff away from 2 packs a day. I very quickly returned to my old nicotine consumption level. Just like that." As one of the individuals quoted in OBob's original, "One Puff Files" I have always been frightened by this thread. Not because it speaks about relapse, but because it reminds me of the blazing with which a relapse can occur.

One moment, quit for 14 months, a split second later an actively feeding addict.

There is no such thing as, just one puff for we, the addicted. That one is all it takes. Your addiction comes full bloom and your ability to rebound becomes even tougher as you despair over your relapse. There's no negotiating, no, "let's make a deal.' That Quit is gone, kaput, finis. And you must begin again. If you can.

Your Quit requires education, determination and focus. Constantly. Your relapse requires nothing but a split second of doubt.

Always hold your Quit tight. Always keep it in front of you.

Please.

Gormo Coupla (days shy of 14 months quit)

I lost my very first quit through just one puff! I was at work having lunch with a co-worker in the breakroom of the company where we worked. We got to talking and he was smoking (this was back in the days when you could still smoke in the employee "lounge"). I remember finally saying to my co-worker "Give me a cigarette!" and he did. I had been quit for about 3 months at this time (but I had quit because the girl I was dating asked me to and we had long since broken up) but by the end of the day I had bought a pack of my own and was back into my addiction. Except for a couple of short-lived quits I would smoke for the next 11 years before I made another really serious effort at quitting.

I often ask myself "WHY did you ever start up again?" but by now I have realized that beating oneself up over the past is a pointless exercise. Besides, there are no guarantees that I would not have started again at a later time, although as time went on the chances would surely have decreased. All I can do now is to learn from my mistakes, thank God for giving me the strength to quit now and the support of this group to stay quit, and stay determined, today, one day at a time, to never take another puff!

Dluny GOLD

My last successful quit lasted 10 years! Oh yes...I was a non-smoker for 10 years. I had smoked a pack a day for 10 years before embarking on that quit and I was thoroughly proud of myself for quitting. I can honestly say that I did not think of myself as an ex-smoker but as a non-smoker. Having said that, I had given up on National No Smoking Day here in the UK and as that anniversary came around every year I would stop and remember what I had achieved and quietly celebrate it with myself. Not only did I not think about smoking or want a cigarette but I actually HATED it when other people smoked. I hated the smell of it on them and especially on my clothes after a night out. I can remember hanging my leather jacket outside for 2 days to get rid of the smell of other people's cigarettes at a wedding reception I had attended.

With all that you may ask how did I ever start again?

It was simple. I took another puff.

It was a ridiculous moment when I was feeling a little stressed about something and a smoking friend lit up and just for a second I thought "Hmmm...that smells good" and at that point, I made the fatal mistake of reaching for that cigarette and taking a drag! Of course, it tasted absolutely disgusting and made me feel VERY ill. And I thought yuk..why did I ever do this? And of course I had to take another cigarette to try to remember why I had ever done it. And another and another in an effort to recreate that aaaahhhh feeling which would explain to me why I had ever been a smoker. And by the time I got that aaaahhh feeling of course it was too late. I was addicted again and my TEN YEAR QUIT was down the toilet!

Words cannot explain how I felt about myself! I had to admit to family members that I had started again. My husband and his family had only ever known me as a non-smoker and, as a family of non-smokers themselves, they found it quite horrifying. Worse than other people's opinions of me has been my opinion of myself for the last 3 years. Not a day has gone by that I have not HATED myself for starting again. I have HATED this little white stick in my hand that has held me hostage for another 3 years after I thought I had broken it's grip. I had always considered myself to be fairly intelligent, yet how could that be the case when I had done something as stupid as that.

Now of course I know why.

This quit is only 2 weeks old but I know now that the answer is simple. I can use the excuse that I broke that 10- year quit through ignorance of the true power of my drug of choice.

If I break this quit there will be no excuse. I know the answer and the choice is mine. My advice to everyone on this website is this, for what it is worth. Never Take Another Puff.

Don't think you will be different or that you can get away with it 'cos you can't. Thinking that way cost me a ten-year quit, my self-esteem, God knows how much damage to my body, approximately £2300 in donations to the already rich tobacco companies and a fortune on prescriptions for asthma inhalers. It's not worth the risk so don't take the risk.

Maggie

I have not used any nicotine for 2 weeks 1 day 11 hours 58 minutes 48 seconds. During this time I've left 154 evil butts in their packs on the shop shelves at a saving of £33.32. I've reclaimed 12 Hrs 54 Mins 57 Secs of my life to spend with my beautiful children who, hopefully, will not now smoke themselves. I will never take another puff.

The ironic thing is, that I gave up for 7 years and then started again ... with just that one puff. Now, four years on from that first puff, I am trying all over again. For some reason - this second time around is so much harder. Honestly - the first time for me was pretty much a walk in the park (I was smoking 30 a day for 8 years), and went cold turkey without a problem - I was SO determined. I guess I was lucky ..... I wish that I had not risked that good luck by taking that first puff again four years ago. All fine in hindsight huh ......

My most successful prior quit was many years ago, CT (no OTC NRT at the time), and lasted nearly three weeks, until I thought that just one puff would see me through and help me continue my quit! Ugh! I wish I had read this information back then.

So last month I tried to quit cold turkey and made it 7 days. The cravings were driving me nuts and I just couldn't take it. I had one puff..... then one cigarette.... then in a day I was back up to my normal pack a day. .

I quit once 5 years ago (for 14 months) when I was pregnant with my 2nd child (I smoked during my 1st pregnancy 5-10 cigs a day). I was sure I had beat my addiction so I would have 1 cig occasionally. It took about 3 weeks to return to my previous level, and several more quit attempts to reach this point.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, everyone here is right when they say, over and over again, that there is no such thing as "one cigarette" for an addict. It is interesting to note, that as I lit that first cigarette, I was surprised at the taste. It tasted just like the first cigarette I EVER had…do any of you remember that? NOT a pleasant taste. Plus, I began coughing almost immediately. Not to mention the TREMENDOUS LOSS OF PRIDE I felt rushing out of me with every puff. With each cough I felt weak, (cough, COUGH)…and worst of all, I felt beaten; BEATEN by a "little piece of paper filled with 4,000 chemicals". For anyone out there romanticizing that "one cigarette" I hope that you can listen to me when I say, that is a horrible, HORRIBLE feeling.

In three short days... I "enjoyed" five packs of cigarettes…just a little MORE than I smoked prior to my quit. For the record, that's one hundred attempts at getting back that "ahhhhh" feeling (and I never DID get to that point), a total of about $25 dollars wasted in one short weekend, and all of my healing DOWN THE TOILET! I was amazed when I woke up on Saturday morning and looked at myself in the mirror. First of all, I was greeted that morning with the FULL EXTENT of my smokers' hacking cough (uuggghh), and as I gazed at myself in the mirror I actually thought, "My god! I look terrible". All of the gray seemed to have rushed back to my complexion. My gums were red and I swear my teeth looked even more yellow than before I quit. I could not even stand the smell of myself. I spent the night before with my family, getting disappointed looks every time I went to light up. My parents and two sisters, who have all successfully quit, were looking at me with THE MOST disheartening looks. I felt like the biggest failure…and to be blatantly honest, I was.

Two years ago I stopped smoking for approximately 5 months. That had nothing to do with Freedom or Whyquit, I didn't even know they existed then. Then I relapsed at a friend's wedding; feeling too sorry for myself as I watched my friends smoke. Of course, this meant that I then had to spend another two years smoking and yet wishing I didn't.

My message is --- It is oh so easy to start again, beware!!! I have quit many times, mostly without the help and info that is now available, and usually on a whim, New Year's was a favourite!!

My best attempt was for a year in '83 with a group working along the lines that Joel teaches. This was good and I felt I had it beaten!! Then one morning at my place of work I "borrowed" a cigarette from a friend. I could have just the one, couldn't I? I had it licked, hell, I'd been quit for a good year. Of course, this quickly became a practice in my morning routine. As time went on my guilt kicked in and I thought I really was being a little cheeky taking one every morning from this friend, so I bought him a pack, and upped my quota to two or three a day!! Naturally, this led me back into the addiction that I thought I had licked!!

The point being --- as Joel relentlessly tells us all---- just one puff is all it takes!!!!! I have steadily been trying to quit, roughly every two years since then.

In fact, I quit smoking just a couple of months ago! I went about 4 days. Then I took a puff. "Just one won't hurt me," I thought, knowing all the while that I CAN'T control how much and how often. I KNEW that one puff would lead to more, but I gave in and bummed one off a friend. Hell, I gave up 4 days and had to start at zero again. Might as well buy a pack and control my smoking to only two a day. Yeah, right! Finished the pack within two days and was back to 1.5 packs a day again. Lesson: Joel's TRUTH, "Never Take Another Puff"

As you know, I was nicotine free for 16 years and all it took was ONE PUFF...... for the addiction to nicotine.......for 3 years!!!!!! I REMEMBER THE FREEDOM.....I had those 16 years, the last 3 years have been miserable.....

I had smoked for about 15 years and then quit for 7. Everyone was so proud of me, it felt great. Well, I was stupid and TOOK ANOTHER PUFF five years ago and began my addiction all over again, only this time I had to be in hiding, how could I tell my family and friends that I had started up again?

During my last quit, before Freedom, I found myself in the same situation. It was a year later, I was studying for finals, with the same friend. Her smoke was curling around my nose. I thought if I smoked one I would go back to smoke-free bliss. It didn't work. Before I knew it, I was back to my old level. I knew nothing about the power of addiction.

I visited one of my customers this week and while I was there she asked her son for a cigarette. I said, "I didn't know you smoked". She said, "well I had quit 20 years ago and this old friend came to visit me and we had some giggles sharing a couple smokes. Ya know, I can't seem to stop buying them now...". That was a 20-YEAR QUIT THAT SHE LOST!!!! It's never, ever, ever, ever, OK to take another puff for us addicts. Did I stress NEVER!!!

Wow! I absolutely love this thread. I know soooo many people who have quit and started because they thought they could handle that one puff. One of these people is my hubby who once quit for 3 years and relapsed, then quit for 1 year and relapsed again. He's on his 3rd quit (1 year, 2 months). You'd think he'd get it by now that he needs to NTAP! I'm going to see if I can get him to sit down and read this thread.

I personally will keep this thread handy and refer to it often!

Tracy - Free and healing for 9 days, 23 hours and 4 minutes.

I had 22 months nicotine-free when I had a cigarette. Now, here I am 3 1/2 years later... Do not test this because the lucky one's get hooked. System Pilot: Free and healing for 1 week, 4 days, 5 hours and 4 minutes, while extending my life expectancy 23 hours and 20 minutes, by avoiding the use of 280 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $49.04.

For me, personally, what is even more depressing than the fact that I got myself addicted again after 9 years off cigarettes is that it then took me another 12 years until I was able to quit again successfully despite many, many attempts.

Skylark

AWESOME post!!! I know from my own experience how true this is. Now when I am going to be around someone who smokes, I start repeating my mantra of "there is no such thing as ONE cigarette. ONE = ALL." Suzi

Firstly - thank you. It's difficult to describe just how much finding your site has/is helped/helping me. I'm a 37-year-old male from Liverpool, England who had his third heart attack last week. I've been addicted to nicotine since the age of 13. I had my first heart attack just under 10 years ago at 28 years old. My latest event has resulted in my 6th stent insertion. OK, I had a high cholesterol level up until my first attack 10 yrs ago (10.9 on the uk bad cholesterol scale) but it has been down to 3.5 since. (safe(ish) is said to be 5).

I did quit for over two years in 2000 but became ensnared again from smoking just one while drunk on holiday in 2002 and have been smoking 10 to 20 per day since. I knew what I was doing but couldn't understand why really. I knew that I'd probably have another event or probably die but couldn't either stop it or found it easy to convince myself that I would get away with it. Until now, after finding your site. Everything makes sense.

Basically, you have given me hope by giving me knowledge. I feel that I can fight this now. It wasn't the stopping that I found difficult (Being in a cardio ward hooked up to a warfarin drip and ECG physically helped with that!), it was the months and years later that seemed to be the issue. I felt deprived. I don't feel or think of it like that now. I believe that now I have a hope. I didn't understand the nature of the addiction and couldn't figure out why I couldn't get away with the odd one here and there.

I just had to write to you and your team. If I can ever help with the crusade I will. I promise to promote your site at every opportunity.

Just wanted you to know. You are making a difference to many people globally. God bless you.

Ivan

I too am living proof that ONE PUFF means total relapse. I never believed it!!! until I lived it. I had quit for 16 years and then started up again 2 years ago...aaaggghhhh. Like one of the quotes listed -- I had to HIDE from family and friends for quite a while. How in the world do you admit this kind of stupidity? So thankful to be free and on the other side again. KNOWLEDGE is POWER. Thank you Freedom! One is always too many and 1000 never enough!!

Julie S.

01/29/21 Facebook

So true! I made it 11 months til one puff. Two years later & prepping to quit again so re-reading/watching Joel's posts. Thank you so much for still being here !!!

Laurel

10/26/22 Facebook

Hi folks. I just thought I would message today on day 3 of my quit. I should not be back to quitting as I was off nicotine for 5-6 years. I stupidly made the decision during the Pandemic that I could have the occasional cigarette as I had beat it and I could control the addiction. Man was I wrong. Within 2 weeks I was back to smoking 20 a day and feeling really depressed and ashamed. This happened only because I let nicotine back into my body. I ignored the golden rule of NTAP.

I will not make this mistake again. I will never be able to control it. I can say that life without nicotine is so good and I want it back.

Please take my story and see where I fell down and make sure you don't break the promise of NTAP because it is so good to be free. I will add that I honestly didn't think of smoking. I was totally free with no cravings at all. So I know that all the advice from WhyQuit is correct, especially the promise of NTAP.

Gareth Kerr

"Administration of a drug to an addict will cause reestablishment of chemical dependence upon the addictive substance, at the old level of use or greater."