"Why can’t I convince my loved one to quit smoking? I’ve tried everything."
January 16, 2020 John R. Polito
Your husband, wife, son, daughter or best friend doesn't smoke to defy you. They do so because their brain demands it.
What it means is that the pleas of loved ones begging their smoker to quit get drowned-out by urges and cravings generated by brain dopamine pathways begging for more nicotine.
The smoker’s brain sees nicotine as if food. Instead of feeling hungry a couple of times a day, smokers may sense wanting and urges for more nicotine 10, 15, 20 or more times daily.
You’re waiting for the moment that your smoker awakens and becomes mindful of the insanity of living life from fix to fix.
Then, they’ll need to muster the courage and resolve to defy the influence of thousands of old wanting, urge and craving memories that collectively pound home the false message that quitting is vastly harder than it actually is, the message that they need nicotine, that permanently giving up smoking is nearly as unthinkable as giving up food.
Now, that’s courage.
The good news is that if they say "no" to nicotine and defy their addiction, that nicotine’s 2-hour elimination half-life guarantees that within 72 hours their body will become 100% nicotine-free and that their brain will begin re-sensitizing to functioning without it. The worst, peak withdrawal, will be behind them.
But just one puff and up to half of their brain dopamine pathway receptors will become occupied by nicotine. Just one puff and they’ll have to do initial detox all over again.
They’re not that strong. While most who attempt cheating walk away feeling like they’ve gotten away with it, it won’t be long before they find their brain wanting, plotting to obtain or even begging for more.
With each passing day, their moments of wanting and challenge will gradually grow fewer, shorter in duration and generally less intense.
Key to success is your loved one understanding and accepting the Law of Addiction, that while one puff will always be too many and thousands won’t be enough, that it’s impossible to fail so long as all nicotine remains on the outside.
One more critical point. Your smoker cannot quit for you, as attempting to do so creates a natural sense of self-deprivation that ends in relapse.
The sustaining fuel beneath their recovery wings must be their own dreams and desires, not a friend or family member's.
What you can do is what you’re doing now, to strive to understand nicotine dependency and recovery, to prepare yourself to support them when their next awakening motivates them to attempt to arrest their addiction.
Knowledge is power. Explore and bookmark WhyQuit.com
Know where the lessons are and how to quickly locate the appropriate one when the need arises.
For practice, try these examples. What if they complain that they are having difficulty "concentrating", tell you that last night they "dreamed" about smoking, that they can't let go of the feeling that smoking was their "stressbuster," or that they want "just one."
Become a positive encouraging and educated force for the 2 to 4 months it may take them to reach Easy Street, a point by which they’ll hopefully experience that first magic day where they never once think about wanting to inhale nicotine.
Millions of ex-smokers see quitting as their greatest accomplishment ever. Imagine being by their side the entire way, and understanding why they feel such pride.
Baby steps, just one lesson at a time, gently and lovingly help them become far smarter and wiser than their addiction is strong.
John R. Polito
Nicotine Cessation Educator
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